Vent Session #83637362571+

There is nothing more painful than having someone you love and deeply care about tell you they hate you. 

When you are angry or sad, I strongly enourage you to stop and think about what you are going to say. Think about how this person will be affected by the next few words. Think about how you would feel in this situation. Put yourself in their shoes. Never let something small ruin something huge. 

If you have opened your month before thinking, have the strength to apologize and have faith that thinks will work out. Don’t be a Negative Nancy like me. 


Women In Ministry

Recently, I have been reminded the many struggles of what women still have to deal with. So when I was given the option to write an opinion article for my high school newspaper, I wanted to do something that was in my head.

With a weekend full of youth group activities and events, I thought of my future and what I truly feel called to do. This year after visiting and falling in love with Manhattan Christian College, I feel a pull to Youth Ministry. Before this year, I would have never even thought about considering this but there has been a change in heart that I have to follow. I saw God work through every single child today from age eight to eighteen and it was incredible. Knowing that we were able to accomplish something amazing this weekend through our youth leader who God was working through is completely mind blowing also. That is what I want to do. Use God to the fullest and glorify Him in any and every youth. Yet, women in ministry is still unheard of in many minds.

Women have contributed a lot the Church throughout its history. However, controversy over women in ministry has always been a major topic of discussion. Discussions for many of these matters are if it is faithful biblical interpretation.

First, it is essential to understand that all of God’s people were “gifted” by the Holy Spirit for the purpose of encouraging each other in the service of God. Such as in the book of 1 Corinthians, it proclaims that you are the body of Christ, and each one is a part. When one suffers everyone suffers. It also says that each part hand, foot, or eye is no weaker or stronger than one another.  In the New testament, women and men enjoyed much more freedom in choosing work or profession. With this in mind, any person could exercise ministry where they were called and gifted by God and has been confirmed by the body of Christ, the Church. For some they have been set a position in leadership and some were assigned specific tasks but the differences among ministries were not looked upon as less or more important. In the Church, we have accepted that no person, called and gifted by God, should be denied any role of ministry or leadership in the Church because of one’s gender.

Of course the controversy of the generic term in Genesis 1:26-27 of man (‘adam) is often argued. Man is being referred to as a “human person”. This creation includes the identifications of both male and female. In Genesis 2 also indicates that the women is a partner with the man as an appropriate “helper”. The word “helper” always refers to God (in 29 places) except one reference to David according to David Scholer of It is understood that woman is rather a helper serving God with man.

Some of the greatest leaders and prophets of Israel were women, so God could not have intended to exclude women from spiritual and political leadership. Women took as large of a role in the early Church leadership that they were allowed to of that society. So women today should be able to serve the Church in whatever positions they are qualified to fill.

College Career Ready ;)

I often find myself thinking these exact words.

“Heidi! Stop playing around! College is right around the corner. Figure out what in the heck you are going to do and where you are going!”

I fall into my own trap. My brain tells me to go go go and I am filled with unwanted anxiety. I get caught thinking I need to plan this all out in just a few weeks but in reality I don’t.

The Bible gives numerous example of professions and jobs. In most cases, professions in the Old Testament were passed down from father to son or mother to daughter in a mentoring manor. Occasionally, a person’s special talents or a call on the person’s life by God was noted and that person was singled out for a unique position.

However, in the New Testament, women and men enjoyed much more freedom in choosing work or profession. The book of Acts proves this in several examples. New Testament believers have accepted that their entire lives were to be subject of God’s command and direction, including their choices and careers. The Holy Spirit was to be trusted both for direction and timing.

The idea of a career path was not noted as something a person must plan on their own (or in just a few short weeks), but something that would come naturally from a person’s talents and abilities. You are to be motivated in your work by a desire to use your abilities to the fullest for the glory of God rather than being motivated by worldly praises.

The Bible clearly warns you not to worship the work of your own hands or to glorify what you have created or earned. But to glorify God, and the amazing gifts He has granted you.

So to the students out their worrying and stressing about the future to come. Take a deep breath. Stop and remind yourself that God will use you in your talents and abilities! You all have some. You might not see and understand them now but you will soon. God is always faithful.

(I think I am truly College Career Ready now.)

Highs and Lows

A wise woman once told me this. “Heidi, I truly believe you can’t actually live the moment until you let out your true feelings” Honestly, I didn’t believe her. I thought, we can look at all the people who pushed through all feelings and still go have the time of their lives. I also was then reminded, those people aren’t real. I don’t mean the typical “fake” but they are the ones holding up a mask. A face that only shows what they want others to see.

Deep down, I think it is important for people to see you not only in your high but also your low. How can one actually know the depths of your heart if you only show half of it? Today, I share the lowest of the lows. A draft from 247 days ago. It isn’t perfect by any means, and I don’t quite understand it completely myself. But then again it hits me in a different way. God has proven that everything will be okay.

I knew this day would come when all hope is gone. The moment of abandoness. The stab in the gut. It is here…. My life hasn’t been easy and life isn’t suppose to be easy but I’ve come to the point where I feel the most stuck. More than ever before. I feel as if the world is rotating around me in slow motion, not being able to stop it. With everything a blur, I’ve come to my right mind to think. I’ve been given one obstacle after the other because this is God’s odd way of saying, “I love you.” I’m not saying I understand God’s will, I mean nobody understands God completely but I just keep asking myself why? The only other thing I can think of is that He loves me. He is preparing me with open arms for the unknown world to come before me. I mean I am sophomore in high school I got a lot of life ahead of me… as I know of. I think the biggest thing holding me from the world around me is letting go, trusting completely. Parts of me cheer go for it You have it all Lord but the other part of me is scared of falling face first and have nobody to catch me. But I have everything to catch me. God will catch me.

This simple reminder is proof that you can overcome any obstacle you face. You can get through it!!! You have made it this far already. I mean look at yourself. 🙂 Let the world see you for who you actually are! In a world where we are constantly criticized, that may seem hard but truly aren’t we made differently but yet perfect in God’s eyes? Your highs and lows are perfect in every way possible! Let them shine!


In moments like this, I am reminded of the very common feeling of being overwhelmed. There is something different this time though. Instead of me just being way over my head, the people surrounding me are in this crazy state of mind also. I feel as if I inserted this stress, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed in their lives through my thoughts and action.

What I have learned through these crazy times, is to remember who God is and not look at what is wrong.

I have found myself worrying about my stressing. I have also found myself expressing my stress through actions I regret soon after. I have found in my stressful moments, if I just stop and focus on God, on who God is, I put my requests aside and seek Him.

God is incredible and in times like this, I still wonder how we often don’t seek Him.


  • THE ONE WHO PURSUES ME – Even on days I tend to walk away from Him, He is pursuing me even more.
  • PASSIONATE – His passion and zeal that the scriptures reveal cause me to be in complete AWE.
  • FAITHFUL – If I fail to see His faithfulness in my past, I will probably not recognize the fruitfulness of my future.
  • ALWAYS there for me – God has NEVER walked away from me. He may not deliver me from the fire, but He has ALWAYS walked me through those times. (Just like this one)
  • BIGGER – God is bigger than any sin or failure in my life.
  • SOVEREIGN – He reigns over everyone and everything and has never been stressed out.
  • HOLY – God is perfect, which means everything he wants/desires for my life is far greater than anything I could have ever thought of.

Honestly, I could go on and on but what I want you to see if that when stress comes into our lives it is any awesome opportunity to get to know God. So when you are stressed out or overwhelmed, “check out” for 10 minutes from your busy life, sit down and make a list of who the scripture says God is. Focus on that rather than your circumstances.


What If?

After a night filled with doing “teenager” stuff, I fine myself coming home with a full heart. As I wrap myself in blankets and turn on some music, I feel an urge to write.

As usual as that may sound for me, it isn’t. I can’t remember the last time I wrote a post. I find myself missing the daily reminder of how God is working in my life. AND TONIGHT is proof of this blog really doing magic in my life. It’s been one year since I started this blog. One year tonight. Many things have changed and I am in awe of Him. I am never going to get over Him. I am never going to get over the fact that He has done everything out of perfect love. But tonight… I set a new goal!

I have decided to set a new goal for myself. This isn’t something I want or something to accomplish but something I know I need. This feeling isn’t something that can be measured in a concrete manner. It isn’t something I can keep track of in my person journal. Instead, It is a change of perspective. It’s a new way of thinking, a new way of living.

I am a person who is constantly looking for end results. A person who wants to know what happens at the end. A person who is focused on the concrete things. I am always prepared and I accomplish what needs to be done… most all of the time.

However, I am not concerned about the planning and preparation. It is my hope for something more, something better to come along. It is this way of thinking that is preventing me from enjoying each moment everyday. If I am constantly day dreaming of what is next.. of what the next best thing is.. How will I ever be satisfied with the current one?

I am not going lie. This post will sound very similar to one months ago because yes.. I still struggle with this everyday since the first time I confessed it.

I feel as if I am on a roller coaster. A ride going up and down, and even sideways. I have been mixed and thrown into a whirlwind of emotions. I find that I put myself in situations that I immediately regret. I lead myself into a confused state of mind. I am unsure about my current thoughts and soon to come actions. I find that I am not myself.

So why not take one day at a time? Why not take one moment at a time? Why spend my days thinking, “what if?”.

There is no reason and that is why I’ve set this goal. I know I will fail but at least I won’t be thinking “what if?” the entire time.

Mind Clearing

I am currently sitting in bed at 2:18 on my day off. Enjoying the comfort of my warm blankets, inhaling the beautiful smell of my new candle, and listening to the combination of mix-match songs on Spotify. With this simple normality of today, I feel happier than I have in a long time.

I have found peace.

To say this yesterday or even last night would have been a complete lie. My mind has been stuck on a foggy scene you would only see in a movie.

With the stress of a new school year, boyfriend, and a new pressure brought on by a sport, my brain has been shuffled beyond repair. It would have taken one of those “professional” rubik’s cube solvers in our school to sort through my thoughts and confusions.

Yet, right now, in this moment, I am in a happy place.

Maybe I am in a new bliss because I am surrounded by the comfort of relaxation and calmness. However, it isn’t only the literal places that can take us out of our rumbled mess in our heads. It’s the events in our lives that we have done for ourselves. It’s a quiet time with my Creator, days throwing my head back in laughter with my best friend, the warm comfort of a familiar hug, a night out with friends, and productive cleaning and writing day that brings me my calamity and solace.

To say the least, a mind that is clear never has felt so good.

God Heals 

Twelve weeks ago I found out news that broke my heart. A kind of news I couldn’t look at someone the same way. A kind of news where it hurts so deep down that tears don’t even begin to form.

 I was broken.

I had let someone break me with a series of stupid actions and conversations. It wasn’t that I was being bullied or that a someone had died. It cut deeper than I ever thought it could cut. I was cut and hurt by someone I loved.

But here I am twelve weeks later. I have been healed and I was healed by God. They say through time you forgive. It didn’t take God but five seconds to know I needed to find forgiveness. Forgiveness for things I’ve done and forgiveness towards the one that hurt me. I was healed. I found forgiveness. I found that I am capable to trust again. I found that God heals and this is just the beginning. For this person might have failed be twelve weeks ago and will fail again but God never fails. God will never fail me. I will fail Him but He will never fail me. 

I’m sharing this story from several weeks ago with you now because whenever I feel that I can’t walk the journey anymore, that dragging my heavy burdens along with me is too much. I am reminded of how powerful our God is by this story. I thought I would never recover from this cut but I did and the next time you feel the same…. have faith that God will heal. 

Good News

  This last week I experienced my first and hopefully not last ELCA Youth Gathering in Detroit. As each minute passed, I saw the end of this week approaching but I also saw the beginning of something more. Once the last service was complete, I felt different-not because I was done, but because I actually felt Him with me.

One thing that brought tears to my eyes and still does, is the hope and faith the people of Detroit have. This city has the name of being the “broken city”and I could go on and on about how this wonderful city looks like nothing but graffiti, trash, and homeless people. But looks can be deceiving. These people showed me the true meaning of living with Christ in your heart. I met and saw people who do nothing but live the Bible. There are 191,000 abandoned homes, buildings, and lots within the city of Detroit but welcomed over 35,000 Lutherans into the city to be moved and to move. This city is a prime example of the powerful healing our one true Savior is capable of.

One major theme of this week was that, Jesus is Good News. The gospel of Mark proclaims that the Good News is Jesus Christ, who has never left us on our journey leading us to the cross. The author of the gospel of Mark said, “This is good news,” he is referring to Jesus who has shown up on every scene. Jesus, who suffered the brokenness of the world on the cross, who knows what it feels like to be abandoned, and shows up in every action done in the name of Jesus Christ. That is what has happened in Detroit. Jesus has and will continue working and healing the people who feel they have been broken and abandoned for He is the Good News.

My trip to Detroit has, opened my eyes, changed my life, and will never be forgotten.


For the ones that are forced to read my posts, you may have recognized the absence of recent ones. Yes, I have been absent from the blogging world, and I am not quite sure why.

I remember when writing was part of my weekly routine. I wasn’t ever consistent before but lately it has gotten worse/worst (I still don’t know the difference Hadley (; ). I honestly cannot speak to when this happened or why. Instead, I sit back and realize that I have hardly been posting once a month.

It isn’t that my life has stopped, that I have ended my pursuit for the Lord, or that writing is no longer a thing. It just means that those thing have gone unwritten for you.

I think back to when I wrote each day whether it was for myself or for this blog. I would always pick out a particular moment of each day and really force myself to recognize the good and bad to learn, to grow, and to create happiness in the small moments offered each and every day. It was great. I may have not been the happiest I have ever been but It was enjoyable.

This doesn’t mean I am not happy. I am extremely happy and this doesn’t mean this is a closure post. My blog is not coming to an end quite yet…. I know I may not be consistent, but we ladies and gentlemen are still alive! After all, I may be in a good state today but other days I may still feel stuck and reading through previous post may be one of the only things to bring me back to positive thinking.

One day the words might come back out, and my one follower (Hadley that means you) may read posts galore on the recent events of my crazy life. Maybe you won’t. We will all just have to wait and see.